Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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