At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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