You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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