So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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