Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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