Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I don't deserve a penis
Alive.
So much puke
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
