i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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