they need to just BURY HIM!
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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