we have officially lost it.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
