Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
