Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
