All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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