We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
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