Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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