So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
