I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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