Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
