physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
