the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
