What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
