Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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