i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
