hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
