Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
