i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
