you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Come share oat with me in your robe
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
