yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I've blown a few things in my day
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
