I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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