i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
