i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
