Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
