How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
