just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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