honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
