i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
