remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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