Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
