Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
3pm strippers are depressing
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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