I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
