i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
