I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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