Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
