true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
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