I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
