This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
