How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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