This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
