I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
