remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
