batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Sorry my hands just texted you
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
