I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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