Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
